I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
