can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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