Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize