Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
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