Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
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