the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A+ Viking dick
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize