Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
