you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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