she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
