She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
