So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
