A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
