im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize