I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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