You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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