omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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