umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
