I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
