Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
