what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
a search helicopter?!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
