I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
