You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
