i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
