So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
3 2 1 whiskey
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
