Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Panties = found
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
