I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
