Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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