You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
