You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
