party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
