just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
