It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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