So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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