I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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