you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she told me i tasted like america
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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