There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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