smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
