holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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