So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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