She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize