Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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