after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
