Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
