Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
