We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize