fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All the doctor said was why
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize