If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
