And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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