Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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