Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
