you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
