He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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