we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize