Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize