This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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