on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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