I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize