In the future we'll all be gay
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
