I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize