He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
