walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
