i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
