I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I could make wine with my vomit
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
