So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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