Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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