I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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