I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
