Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
