that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
