hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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