i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize