So drunk its hurt
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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