yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
