you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize