Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
