Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
