Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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