Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize