Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
