oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize