I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
