i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
