You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
