SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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