No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
