I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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