Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
