I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
