sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
