I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
