I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
