12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize