I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
