A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
