So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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