people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
