I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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