I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
