I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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