If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
