Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
