I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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