God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
