The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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