distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
