I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize