She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
