I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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