You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
